There are things in life that might seem small, inconsequential, nothing at all to others that are big deals to me. Things I didn’t expect.
Right before I started writing this, sitting in bed at my parents’ house, I heard the rubbish truck sounds outside.
And I got this rush of anxiety; my body actually cringed and constricted in a strange kind of fear. All in a split second. But I noticed it, and I realised what it was.
Continue reading “You Can Create the Life You Want”
I’ve spent a lot of years (whole life?) feeling like not a very important person. Never mind being a VIP, I’ve hardly felt like an IP. Often not even just a P.
More like a piece of chewed up gum that someone is now frustrated at because they have to stop and find a stick to scrape me off their shoe.
This, clearly, is not a very fun way to feel. And it definitely doesn’t lead to a life filled with success and purpose and fulfilled potential.
Continue reading “How would you live if you were a VIP?”
All day I had felt tense. Locked up. My body and mind tight with the balancing act of weighing all the expectations — those I perceived others had of me, those soceity implies exist even if never directly, and those I had of myself.
I’ve been working my way through a process of dropping the weight of other people’s expectations, of learning to not care if I’m not what society demands. And sometimes I feel like I’m doing okay at that.
But then, like this particular day, when I feel a tension in my body that makes me want to crawl out of my skin, I realise I might still have a way to go.
Because even as I shed weights off my shoulders, it is in my mind that I find there are still bonds. Beliefs I have absorbed and taken on. Words that speak with the sound of my own voice, a running commentary on everything I do — “You can’t do that. You can’t be that. You’ve got to be responsible. You’ve got to be better than this. You can’t do just whatever the hell you want.”
But this day, in recognising this running monologue, I finally answered back.
“Well, why not?” Continue reading “24 hours of doing whatever the hell I want”